Hello withit.
I am sorry you are feeling so conflicted at this time. It is hard at times to want help when you have been diagnosed with a disorder. Being diagnosed is a loss in itself to have to get through, but it is okay to accept the help you need from a therapist that is wanting to help you. I think asking the therapist to order the tape for you is a very good advancement for you, to trust the therapist enough to follow through with what they say they will do. Working SLOWLY through your self esteem issues is also a good idea. Your therapist should have very good suggestions for you in this area to help you move forward with your life. I hope the best for you in the future. Take care and good day. Soidhonia