Sorry for post, my mind is scattered a bit. Wonder If anyone else feel manipulated or twisted by others. I can be in good mood and then someone will do their thing and I am all screwed up. It is like my freaking mood is dependent on the ppl around me. I can go from really good mood one minute then in tears. I realize to that I can start having SI when someone else starts talking or insinuating about suicide. Is that normal? I can't imagine this is normal. How can my mood be so influenced as easily by others. This is starting to cause me to stay in and avoid ppl. How does that end? What is reason I can't just say screw others and do my own thing? I am feeling extremely triggered tonight and in a dark place. I don't like it. Was my birthday the other day and only two ppl said anything. Is it bad to think that I hope not to see my fiftieth birthday? It is dark, but I never wanted to live this long. I don't know. Not sure anyone would get that thought.