As a kid I was sure I wasn't going to make it to 16, 18, 21, 25, & 30. 31 came around and I was confused, hurt, and still damaged. I felt like by 30 I'd either be dead or better. So the question now for the past couple of years is if I'm going to be alive with bipolar and can't work now what. It felt silly that I was mourning the fact I'd survived. It's very bad and unfair idea for you.

I'm sensitive to other emotions when depressed but when excited I a negative mood makes me angry. I'm sorry your mood is all over the place.