Sounds like depression, and I respect you for being at least motivated to go to work, and because you're intelligent enough to recognize what you're doing. Sounds like some depression, because I'm filtering things from my experiences. (I dunno if you're feeling it as anxiety, or maybe something else, since I don't know you). This might not ring true for you, but I told a therapist once that I feel like the rational side of me is way on one end of the spectrum, and the emotional side is way on the other end, and that I can't figure out how to get them to meet and do anything to make changes, or do anything healthy for myself. Just my thoughts, since I don't know what it is you're trying to escape from.