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Old Nov 01, 2014, 12:11 AM
Yismymindblank12 Yismymindblank12 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 1,091
Yeah, with my therapist, I'm unable to have those solutions at the moment, so it's not me complaining, just her letting me have the time to vent anything. Everywhere else I go I'm not allowed to anywhere. I mean anywhere with anyone, my situation in life is so unique even people with their own problems. It makes it not worth talking about it, and not saying a word. She knows I'm hyper sensitive, like on the extreme scale my body is so sensitive. I don't need hallucinogens/psychadelics, or psych drugs to have my hallucinations. I can have them all the time anytime. I can see spirits and other times it's mental illness of constant bombardment of any reality. She said, my body is so sensitive since I was born, I can't live like everyone else. I hallucinate all the time with every kind, from touch and auditory mainly, but I still frequently get visual and nasal hallucinations of like odors of tobacco and blood.

I only did LSD once and it was a very bad choice I made a year ago and learned from it definitely, I was lucky it was a good trip. I was literally in a fish bowl in my body was seeing everything blue, the blue man group could of been singing in front of me like a music vid. My voice got squeaky alvin and the chipmunks pitch and I was seeing bubbles in the air, I was lucky I got that than something terrifying.

It only lasted an hour and a half, I felt like I was dying from it, because it contained random stuff maybe bath salts, baking soda and whatever, and probably mostly meth and some mdma. It was the worst decision I've made, I used to do drugs not that frequently it was once I got it.

I know from my coma, it was caused by marijuana, not weed itself, it's the reaction it causes in my body from dopamine is so intense. Too much dopamine will kill you, put your body into shock and instant coma it's like an adrenaline rush good feeling that kills you and puts you to sleep.

I was lucky people were there to make sure I was ok, I was left on the street last year in november 29th. I still haven't forgot it.

I know I got off track, but I made my own choices, I got healthy after last year. I recovered damn well. I cut out toxic people who I can, but the other relationships I would have to find compromise either being away from the person or internally like not talking about my feelings. It had to be made. I don't have a choice at the moment just cope with what I have.

I stopped drugs, because friends and people my age just want to have sex, have kids, do drugs and get it all over with at 20. Then live 10 or more years with the person they knocked up and married them or had kids or be miserable saying that I wish I didn't do this and that. I'm glad I'm not them, I'm not a quitter, I won't marry, have kids with anyone. I find this whole thing obsurd people want to be old and boring at 20. Live a little more, don't rush to pushing things to what you like or imagine you like. You don't know how people work, I don't think anyone in a marriage understand this or humans do in general about each other. You can't put anyone in a binary and force them to do something you think they want.

That's how I see when people push me around, I don't let them, because they don't know me and have no authority to do so. I'm not breaking the law, I'm not into your drama, leave me out of it.