Hey, sorry to bother y'all but I have a question that I was hoping to get some feedback on. I am trying to feel better about myself as a person but I cannot seem to do that for any extended period without reverting back to destructive tendencies. I keep screwing up and even when I try to stay positive about it the nagging feeling that I'm a colossal failure and this is just further evidence of that fact persists, regardless of the mundanity of the failed action. I constantly appoligize for things that aren't my fault to the point where I am now one of the least sincere people I know as the phrase "Oh I'm sorry" has essentially lost it's meaning. Perhaps 75% of the time I'm actually sorry for what I did but the rest of the time it's just a reflexive phrase that is spat out like a cheap vending machine novelty. I also call myself stupid or an idiot frequently when I make mistakes, even though I've been told not to do that. I keep trying to feel better about myself, I'm honestly trying, but it just feels like a lie that I keep repeating over and over again. No matter how many times I say "It's okay" and "you're not a moron" I still consider it as the lie it is, which makes it difficult to turn those fantasies into realities. How do I stop tearing myself back down?
Thank you for your time and consideration in reading this post, it means a lot to me!