Hi..

I dont really remember how long its been since I last cut but maybe a good few months or longer? I really don't know, I've stopped keeping track..

but urges are so strong and I dont even know why I am trying to hold off and not do it?

I feel like I have hit rock bottom and I keep trying to talk to people, scream out that I'm not coping right now and I'm not ok but its like no one is hearing me. I guess thats why urges are so strong now maybe? Because maybe if I cut bad enough then people will see me and listen better?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not attention seeking.
Just feel like I need to have something visible to show how I really am right now. which makes no sense cuz its not like I will show anyone anyway or tell anyone for that matter as SI is quite private for me.. but I dont know..

Just needed to get this out. Feel so alone right now