Relationships can be between individuals or groups of individuals, friends, professionals, people you do business with, etc. So on that note, I'm looking for suggestions about how to handle a situation.

Two weeks ago, I was notified that my deferment on a student loan was about to expire. Since I cannot afford to make the payment, I called the student loan office immediately to request a deferral. Someone by the name of Mr. S answered the phone and said he would send me the application for deferral in the mail.

By the 31st (or 2 weeks after the call), I had still not received that application so I called back the student loan office to ask about whether I should make a payment or try for a retroactive deferment. And here's where the "situation" starts: Mr. S answered the phone again, but this time his entire side of the conversation was completely inappropriate. From the time Mr. S answered the phone to the time Mr. S hung up, he was angry, abusive, and condescending - and kept forcing me to listen to his tangents and answer accusatory inappropriate questions.

(A professional person would have provided me with an answer to my question and ended the call. Instead, Mr. S was clearly in a bad mood before I called as he immediately snapped at me in an angry almost growling out-of-control tone repeating accusatory questions like, "Why didn't you call earlier, sweetie? Why did it take you until now to call?" ---No, you didn't miss anything. There was no reasonable basis for those nasty suggestive questions. --- Mr. S continues, "We got a mail forwarding address back from the post office. Why didn't you tell us that you moved, sweetie?" ---Okay, that question would have been almost fine if it were not loudly and angerly barked at me. Me: "Uh, Mr. S, I'm a guy and I would appreciate it if you would stop calling me sweetie. And should I just pay the bill? ....Mr. S ignores my question and goes on another tangent.... no answer to my question, another, "sweetie" quote... Me: "Please don't call me sweetie, that's condescending." Again, no response from Mr. S other than another accusatory snapping tangent...etc. etc.)

I made very little progress on that call - and frankly I would have hung up if I didn't need something from that office. I've dealt with that office before and everyone there seems to back each other no matter how crappy anyone there behaves. Eventually Mr. S did do me a small favor in saying that he will waive the late fee if I call him on Monday. However, I'm really not looking forward to another abusive call. (And I would have much rather just paid than listen to that awful 30 minute accusatory angry tangent that still has me feeling ill over 12 hours later. I'm highly sensitive and things like that trigger me.)

If, he ends up getting my loan deferred retroactively, I may overlook this and be glad I'm done with him for the duration of the deferment. On the other hand, it was awful having to answer over 30 minutes of unnecessary accusatory questions, as well as, deal with the name calling. My sense is if I put in any sort of complaint that my loans (through that office) would NEVER be approved for deferment again - since approval is a subjective process and I could easily be denied unofficially because someone doesn't like me.

Here's what I'm thinking. I think I should keep record of these calls and what is said. Then once my loan is paid off, I could make a copy of those notes and provide them to the diversity office. Poor people and guys with AIS should not have to suffer 30 minute long abusive lectures/cross-examining in order to get a deferment. I admit that I was re-traumatized by that and left shaking uncontrollably. If I had a witness to that call, say it were on speaker phone or something, the university could probably get sued for my counseling bills plus restitution. Too bad I have no obvious witness. Aside from the legal stuff, just considering this whole post, what do you think I should do?

What are your thoughts?

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I might also add that besides the experience with Mr. S, the deferment process is the most ridiculous one I've ever encountered. In order to be considered for an economic hardship deferment, over 15 pieces of documentation are required including a lease, complete tax 1040 form and schedules, all account numbers to any financial account including complete credit card numbers and all statements to those accounts, etc. And this has to be done every 3 months. It took me hours to find and organize all of this documentation, not including the trip to the copy center (by a friend on my behalf).

I'm thinking that I'm going to start keeping a log book with dates, times, and descriptions of events directly related to poverty and disability that cause excessive emotional distress and waste excessive amounts of time. I just don't think that most people understand how much more of a burden some people have to face when dealing with low-brow operations (like the above) that only serve (or dis-serve) poor people.