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Originally Posted by Tucson
Guilt about being on SSDI instead of working, Guilt about not being a contributing member of society. Guilt about all the pain and anger I caused others through my life. Guilt about how I can act like an impulsive child instead of more like a respectable adult. Guilt about going through all of my net worth while most others have saved for their retirement.
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Well, they will get to enjoy their retirement and you won't. So it would be justifiable to feel upset, or to feel worried, but not guilty - you have not harmed those people, right?
You have harmed yourself, and only yourself (more on your daughter later). When you feel guilty, you continue to harm yourself. Since you feel guilty when you harm yourself, it follows that feeling guilty would make you feel guiltier and guiltier, with no end in sight. Gotta stop that train of thought - nip it in the bud.
Remember that "I" in "SSDI" stands for insurance. It is not public assistance - it is insurance, and you paid into it. You must have worked for at least 10 years to qualify for SSDI. And maybe one time you will be able to work, but for now, you are getting the money you deserve.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tucson
What is wrong with me where I cannot solve simple problems in math to help my daughter when I have a degree in Mathematics?
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I can guess what is wrong with you - a combination of depression and side effects of medications. Both can lead to cognitive decline, which most of the time is reversible. But there is nothing morally wrong with you - it is purely a medical issue, which is largely outside of your control.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tucson
Why have not I kept up with my daughter's progress in school?
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You do not have to do it. The idea that parents need to be involved in their children's schooling is just that - an idea. And recently there has been a study that showed that parental involvement does not impact grades. If you are interested, I will find a link for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tucson
How come I have not helped her with her English, particularly when I have always known she needed the help?
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Contact the local public library. They might have volunteer tutors. It would be free and your daughter will have fun. Plus, it is usually the case that non-parents teach better than parents. My dad has a degree in Mathematics, too, but he talked too fast and was not patient enough to explain things. I have a childhood girlfriend whose dad yelled at her because she did not get Math as fast and easy as he did (well, he has a degree in Mathematics and guess what, had she been as quick as he was, she would not have needed help). Stories abound about people who cannot teach their own kids, but other teachers can teach those kids just fine. So if she needs help, get outside assistance. Do not beat yourself up - just treat it as a solvable problem. Also, there are sites that help build the vocabulary and she can play with those.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tucson
Boy, these frown lines are becoming a permanent feature of my face. A smile on my face is a distant memory. 
PS: I wonder what comes first, the thought of failure or the overwhelming, simple feeling of failure? |
So THAT is bad for your daughter - not lack of assistance in math or english, but that you are not happy anymore. The sooner you cut out guilt, the better.