I am so sorry, littleblackcloud...

I don't have any words of wisdom. I only have my point of view. I have depression and my husband does not.
When things were are their worst for me, I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel sad, I didn't feel scared, I didn't feel anything.

I am at a slightly better level now, so I can pretty much be objective about that time in my life.

In my opinion, my husband had it worse than I did. I was numb, but he was not. He had all of the work and no joy. He had to worry about me and try to find out about depression. He had to keep it together and pretend to be "normal" (truth is, he almost lost me and was terrified). He was, literally, my caretaker. The list goes on, as you well know.

The fact is that he still had to live. For both of us.

What I do remember from that time is being visually reminded of NORMALCY Even though there were odd days when I resented it, I am now eternally grateful to him. Because of him, I now have hope.

I know this does NOT ease your burden in any way. I cannot do that except to remind you to get as much support as you possibly can in any way that you are able. And to take some occasional time for yourself...perhaps it's only in half-hour increments, but you have to recharge your batteries somehow.

I get the stress and the resentment and the guilt for feeling resentment and being unable to talk to anyone, IRL....But here, it's okay to vent and commiserate. Nobody will judge you.