Sorry, I just got on. I don't think your treatment team is listening and that can be very bad. My first pdoc had me in a mixed state for 2 years. Depakote made me feel like I was stuck inside myself without the ability to voice what was going on. I looked fine. So I have a hatred for depakote to begin with.

I'm horrible at knowing when I'm cycling. I rely on here, my family and my therapist. However it's the way I view BP that prevents me from seeing it.

How to stop it. Call pdoc it'll take a while but calling before an emergency is better then during, start a sleep/eat schedule, eat decently, depression makes us go to comfortable food, get outside ( even if you just sit and read outside that's enough). Keep yourself distracted and when your thoughts start going write them down to get them out of your head. That way they're not sitting there spinning. Show that to your therapist.

And does anyone ever get angered and it's instantly like an adrenaline overload. What if it happens and you actually start shaking/trembling? yes I call it feeling like there's caffeine through my veins.