There was one thing that I could have done without. While my s/o was sleeping one night I sat up with daughter sharing some wine. She launched in to a discussion about how she would like to have him cremated, when the time comes, rather than traditional arrangements. She's afraid her 2 sibs won't kick in financially, for funeral and she fears getting stuck with big funeral expense. My s/o has no money or insurance. I don't feel his burial is my responsibility, since I don't live with him, and he never supported me.

She said traditional funeral would involve undertaker expense in two different cities and flying remains 2000 miles. He doesn't worry about the matter. In the past, he has told me to just walk away and let the VA take care of the body. (They will, if no one claims the body.) I reminded her that VA does provide cemetery arrangements, in any case. She said she was worried about other expenses. She's come at me on this subject more than once in the past . . . always bringing up cremation. I sense she is really looking for my blessing on cremation.

Personally, I intensely dislike cremation, but I feel it's their business what they do for their father in the end. I've been thinking of offering $2000 contribution from me, in the hope it would help cover traditional burial, but I guess that wouldn't nearly make up for difference in cost between two approaches. So I figure, I'll stay out of it, and they can do what they like.

She wants him cremated out here where we live and, then, the remains sent back 2000 miles to where they are. That pretty much wipes out a normal funeral. That's a little sad for me, but I don't think it's really my business.

His kids resent that he never took out insurance to cover final arrangements. I understand that. I have insurance set up that will eliminate my family being stuck with any bills for my own funeral. I can't answer for his failure to do the same.

This daughter has $15,000 life insurance on her father that she took out 5 years ago. She says her sibs would not contribute to the cost of premiums and hold the policy jointly with her. So she considers that money hers, as, indeed, it is. She says that they better not criticize what she does about final arrangements, if she ends up picking up the full bill. I'm not sure what, if anything, should be my response when this matter gets brought up to me.

I do know that I'm not ever going to any crematorium to pick up any box of pulverized remains. They can have that shipped. This conversation seems so crass. But, I guess, when you die broke, even your kids don't want to pick up any tab for you. I know families differ. It will seem awful weird, if there is not even a church service, but I guess that costs money, too.

If anyone reading this knows anything about cost of transporting remains by air, in terms of what is required and cost, I'm trying to find that out. I haven't found a lot on line. I always hoped I would send him home in one piece, but it might cost more than I could come up with.

Now I'm starting to resent this family again, after I had just gotten in a better frame of mind. Meanwhile, they resent their father for having nothing financially. When he was homeless repeatedly, years ago, (related to alcoholism) it was me who undertook the cost of helping him off the streets. They say he would be dead long ago, if it weren't for me. I feel like I've taken care of him in life, and that's really all that is important to me.