So, for those of you who have read my threads, you know that I have this friend, and we're in this semi-relationship type of thing. I like to refer to it as our "pseudorelationship", because I find that fitting. Anyway, I felt like I really needed to talk to him about us. Not "us" as in an item, necessarily; just us. So, I wrote him a letter. And it got wet and messed up. So, I edited and wrote another. Never gave it to him. Eventually, I decided to just text some stuff to him, instead of focusing on the relationship aspect. So. I texted him and told him... That he is not the reason I'm depressed; he actually makes me feel okay. I'm okay with us being friends; I know that we're both still figuring things out, and a relationship may not be the best idea for either of us, right now. Maybe, we're just not ready. I do still want to kiss him and continue being "friends with somewhat benefits" or whatever we are (NO sex). After essentially pouring out part of my soul to him, I asked him if he was judging me for it (Since I do want to kiss, even though we're not in a relationship.); he said he wasn't. So, I asked him what he thought... He replied with a totally unexpected - or expected, given his history of decision-making regarding this topic - "idk"... He did not elaborate. Later, while we were in bed cuddling, I wanted to bring it up. I didn't. Fast forward to last night. He brought over some other girl, who he's been friends with for a while (They've been talking, but are not necessarily going to get together; he is - of course - unsure.). She was calling him "baby", and they were showing displays of physical affection (but NO kissing), right in front of me. Can't get any more cruel, right? Wrong. She stayed the night, and - OF COURSE - slept in the bed with him... My spot. So, I slept on the couch all night, trying to avoid a complete breakdown. I ended up feeling kind of okay, once the medicine kicked in. He made a mistake, right? People do that. People are imperfect, and I cannot fault him for that... Today, we're both acting as if nothing was wrong. He did mention that there was another bed in one of the other rooms, and that I didn't have to sleep on the couch. I told him the couch was fine; I like it. He agreed that it was comfortable. The end... So. We're obviously not talking about his ultimate cruelty. Even my other friend, who was there with a female friend of his, agreed that it was a total "jerk" move. Thanks to him, I didn't do anything to stupid last night. But that really hurt. I just had to get it out. I don't know what we are. I don't know what we're doing. Honestly, I don't know what I am to him, anymore. And it's so hurtful and cruel and disappointing. I don't think I can cope with this pain. When I think of it too much, I get very angry. And I think I have the right to be angry. I have a right to feel my emotions. I just wish they weren't so strong... Pray for me, please. I hate this.