THANKS EVERYONE. I've read all of your replies and am open to hearing more.

Best options (IMO, as of now):

1. Lose the battle and win the war. - Let them be nasty as long as tolerating "nasty" means that I financial benefit by getting my forbearance/deferment. (I may need to find some kind of support to work on dealing with "nasty" without being triggered by it.)

2. Go to the diversity/discrimination office immediately. - I would say that suffering verbal abuse should NOT be a prerequisite for deferment/forbearance approval.

3. Emailing, although in the past that's only resulted in a reply that says, "Call me."

It's either going to be 3 and 1, or 2 and 3 at this point unless I get more ideas.