I know the feeling even though I knew I was capable of taking care of myself & actually much more capable than my H really was.

I went from living at home with my parents for 21 years to getting married & living with my H for 33 years.....& at the end I was having all kinds of health issues & horrible side effects that actually made me for the time incapable of taking care of myself....but I left about 1 year after a trauma I lived through & anorexia that I was medically hospitalized with.

I got so desperate to be free from all the fighting & the anger that had built up, I didn't really care if I couldn't make it on my own....I wasn't going to survive continuing to live there either.

So I bought a 10 acre farm & have been living here for the past 7 years....& I've learned to kill spiders with my shoe....smack them dead. It's much better than what I started doing by spraying a whole can of insect spray on them to make sure they died.

I got one of those jar openers that have several different sizes on them & you just place them over the top of the jar & it uses leverage to get the jar open.....& sometimes I run the jar under hot water if it's a sticky thing inside the jar like honey or jam.......not only that but YouTube has all kinds of solutions on it for whatever problem you have.

I learned how to auger my toilet with the professional auger I bought at Lowe's (Lowe's has become my favorite store).....then the next day, I replaced the hose under my sink that had been leaking for over a year & the bucket kept overflowing as the hose kept getting worse. I got the parts from Lowe's & was able to follow all the instructions. My favorite tool is this little wrench I bought for $2 because it was cute......it's the tool I use for most of the things I fix & it works better than the big fancy expensive tools.

It's amazing the things we learn how to do.....(mind you, I'm 61)......& when we accomplish the things it gives us even more self-esteem & confidence that we CAN make it on our own.

I am lucky in that when I do have something that I can't handle, I have friends through my church who can come over & give it that man strength. LOL...I had a hose on my upstairs toilet I couldn't get loose....it took 3 strong guys working on it to get it loose so I don't feel so helpless....besides...I was the one that started getting it loosened with all the work I had put into it before they came.

I always believed there was nothing I couldn't do, but living in a bad marriage for so long & all the wars I had....I started to doubt myself. Getting away, I have been able to learn what the problem was with my H all those years in doing my research.....but I wouldn't go back to that life for anything. I love living alone. I have 3 dogs now (started with 7) but if I need hugs & love.....my dogs give me all the love I ever need & welcome home kisses. I had a H that wasn't capable of connecting to anyone, not even a wife & by the end the fighting, mental & physical abuse was flying from both sides.

I am still trying to finalize the divorce because he's not mentally capable of dealing with anything as I found out when he blew it with the IRS & my inheritance......but finally got that issue finished & now I'm free to be free & have NO intention of getting involved with another man ever unless someone really comes along that is absolutely perfect for me, I will NOT jump into a relationship just to have someone there. I am better off alone unless the absolutely right person would magically appear in my life (& that's not going to happen).

Amazing what we learn & are capable of doing. Yes, I got my degree (BS) & I was a computer engineer for 15 years so I was always very independent in the first place....but after all those years, the doubt of being able to care for yourself & all the "what if's" really do hit....but we PROVE THEM WRONG!!!!

You can too.