miaktt this sounds like a mafia of psychos for me : o good that you finally part ways.. do you have therapist? good friends now? if not, you definitely should find some.. I can't get over past too, so I can recommend only looking for good therapist and some passion in life..

I know that feeling very well, I'm not a kid now but still always wrong, always being judged, always the worst, and one to blame... for this finding good friends helps, which will help you gain confidence again, which will like you and believe in you, support of others is important..