I don't know if it truly gets worse with age, or if we just become more self-aware, somehow more sensitive to our shifts. I, too, have delt with this since the teen years, my diagnosis was in my twenties, but now have my forties on the horizon. My worst episode was two years ago, and it was so bad i thought i would never be the same. It feels like my recklessness was more pronounced in my early years and my depression has been more pronounced in my latter years. Fortunatley, i am not the same as I was in my youth. After having experienced my worst depression, I feel like I have lived through something so profound and life-changing that it has evolved me as a person. I connect deeper with humanity, i am less judgmental, I am less afraid of conflict and way more willing to forgive. The darkness that is "the worst episode", truly has it's counterpoint in lightness. The depression was miserable at best...but in retrospect, I have had the opportunity to fully engage in the full spectrum of the human experience. Just keep holding on. You'll come out of it...episodes change direction. Just hold on and stay connected here.