Quote:
Originally Posted by Frankbtl
Hi Appalachian, despite what you've said I kind of worry that you might get hurt in this if feelings come into play e.g. if for her it's a bit more about helping you and for you it turns into developing real feelings for her which aren't two-way.
But you're pretty smart  , so just saying if you could really watch out for the potential of that happening??
And maybe "desensitization"/gradually safely overcoming the fear of/anxiety over........ might help, keeping talking with your T about it might point to if it might help you as/if it goes along.
And if you carry on maybe go at your own pace, same "routine", but just taking it a step/two steps (??) further if you're comfortable, each time???
And maybe keep going on working on where/why your value system has come from??? And if it's actually portraying your individuality or something else???
I just get the feeling that you wouldn't be seeing someone else orgasming with someone, loosing their virginity as any sort of a possible issue for them, in any way???
And hey, if you're worrying about what you've done/what you're doing is "shameful", then hopefully the fact that we aren't judging you on that will help with the self-acceptance just a bit??
Just for me, try not to get hurt, hey??!! 
Alison |
Thank you. I don't have *too* many worries on that front, that's part of why I'm feeling so conflicted. We get along great, but there's not anything special here. I think she's a great person, but... no deeper connection.
That's a big part in why I felt so guilty after the last time. I felt like I had somehow taken advantage of her, even though she had made it quite clear that this was something she was OK with. All the same, it felt like something to be guilty about.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nature1968
I wonder if you got married and then lost your virginity, would you still feel dirty or would you feel it was ok ?
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No, it would still be a terrible, terrible thing for me. Moreso, even. It is far out of the ordinary I know, but or me, sex is NOT an expression of affection. To me, it is one of the most un-loving things I could ever do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
Do you like blintzes?
Please answer - the question would make sense then.
PS Congrats on having covered that much ground in a relatively short span of time. Also, from what you wrote, you have been impeccably chivalrous in that you made sure that she did not get upset. |
Is it a riddle? I'm so godawfully bad at riddles
I had to look up what that was, and can't say I've ever tried a Blintz!
It was quite a task to make sure she wasn't upset. After all, she is the opposite of me. whereas I see sex as something to be repressed and avoided, she sees it as something to be embraced and accepted. So, when I practically had a full-blown panic attack post-orgasm and said I felt like we shouldn't do this again, she was naturally pretty distraught. But you are right, I can take comfort in knowing that, now matter my feelings up to that point, I did do everything I possibly could to be 'chivalrous' and make sure she did not blame herself or feel bad.
Thank you everyone for your support! I really cannot overstate how much it helps to have somewhere to talk about this.
That said, I have given this an awful lot of thought, and I don't think this is something I want to do again. There are so many factors at work here, and often it's hard to think this way. When my hormones are acting up, it can be hard to think straight, it's difficult to think of anything other than how much I'd like to try doing that kind of thing again.
So I've asked myself the simple question. I'll wake up one morning and look back on my choices. I ask myself, which choice is going to make me smile, and which is going to make me swell with regret? When I think of things this way, the answer is crystal clear: I know that doing things like this again will make me full of regret, but choosing to abstain is going to make me proud of my choices and happy with my decisions.
That's all it's ever come down to really, what choice am I going to feel good about when I wake up in the morning?