I still can't speak out loud the details of what happened to me. I have wrote it down....it took a week of tears and panic attacks. I have managed to use the word rape when speaking to my T. I open my mouth and the things I really want to say just won't come out. I trust my T...it's just for so long this has been mine....the secret I have carried has been something that I haven't shared with anyone. I desperately held onto it because at a time I had no control, keeping the secret was the only thing I could control. I didn't understand that by keeping it secret I was doing exactly what the man who raped me wanted. I spend my days swinging between shame, humiliation and feeling like an absolute fool.
I go to every T session thinking today I will talk about it. I have been seeing my T since January...still haven't managed to. I don't think I ever will...
I only really have one piece of advice....look after yourself. Mind, body and spirit. Be kind to yourself and do things at your pace. I don't really have anything amazing or insightful to say. If I knew the answer I would share....I think it's just going to take time