Your post was just what I needed! I've done many 12 Step Groups since my first AA meeting 40+ years ago, was able to maintain continuous sobriety, but many a struggle with sanity. I've been marooned in an "Assisted Living" facility for 8 months following a very severe case of shingles with nerve damage. Finally got to a meeting last month and a wonderful lady has now been taking me to a Sunday morning meeting. I find I'm experiencing "newcomer" anxieties there, as well as trying to get started here. Additionally I'm trying to get back into independent living (I have lived alone for the past 30 years until this illness), getting an apartment, etc. All of this 'newness' has brought back old insecurities, self doubt, even some 'poor me's'. I do pray, read all my AA books, and do my best to "turn it over", but seeing your words was a needed reminder to keep everything one day at a time, and that my HP didn't rescue me and keep me this far to throw me back overboard! thanks for sharing!!!

Long ago I got so bad off that I had to go for help or PARISH so, thanks to a "hint" by a friend in the past, I contacted AA to ask about something called ACA or ACOA. They gave me a number and I went to a meeting that same night here in Reseda, CA. I was a drinker but somehow did not believe I needed an AA program! As it turned out, ACOA was exactly the right place for me to start but I ended up going to lots of 12 step groups and some other support groups based on the AA model. This has been many years ago and I did finally completely stop using alcohol - WHEW!

Something has happened recently to cause me to return to the 3rd step and I am trying as hard as I can to Turn it over because, I am once again at a dead end. I really thought I had it made by developing some good self esteem and reparing my damaged ego from the childhood neglect and abuse of my parents but have come to realize that I really do need a Higher Power because this little me just doesn't cut it anymore - high self worth and all!
It's a little embarrassing to say these things because I did work with step 3 long ago and had a Higher Power relationship going but slowly slipped back into self will (not drinking - that's over!) and selfishness!

So I let myself SURRENDER the other night and suddenly found myself in a spiritual place (had a spiritual awakening) so now I am pretty sure that I have to surrender and turn it over ALL THE TIME and not just on the week ends or when I'm in trouble. That's where I went wrong before - dabbling in turning it over without realizing that it has to be TOTAL and PERMANENT - not just whenever I feel like letting go and letting That take over.

I felt and still do feel that a being or life way beyond my little personal one is actually running the show in the Universe and I need to relax and step aside as much as possible from now on. LOL, at my age (76) there isn't much left for me to "go after" so I may as well turn what's left over to something way bigger than I ever was.

But I have to say that it felt and still feels good to let go and STOP worrying about and plotting my personal future while TRUSTING that a bigger me will and can take care of everything and I do mean EVERYTHING. So the 3rd step is setting me free so long as I actually do it and not just think about or talk about it.
Thanks for letting me share,
jim [/QUOTE]