Quote:
Originally Posted by hvert
It also just seems like it is too soon to be planning his death -- the family should be planning for his care *right now*.
The six month wait for everyone in the family to fly to the middle of nowhere for a memorial service seems strange to me as well, especially given the context of that family. They are very conservative in other matters, always wanting to do what is most socially appropriate.
Funerals today do seem very different to me. People don't even wear black anymore. I couldn't believe what people were wearing at a memorial service for my neighbor - tank tops and flip flops.
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I have been hearing about them worrying about who's paying for the funeral for years and years. Yes,
years. Every time he's been seriously ill, they have called about this matter. 8 years ago, I stepped outside the ICU where he was lying in very bad shape, to take a phone call from her. It was all about, "Do you think he would mind be cremated?" A few years before that, the son called me wanting to know what insurance money there might be that he didn't know about.
They have had their whole lives to ask their father all these questions. They wait until he is seriously ill, then pounce on me with these concerns. I am not their father's wife, nor do I live with him, nor did he ever support me. I did live with him in the distant past and have always loved him. That's why I am always there to care for him. That's why I want to see him get a normal Christian service before his remains are put wherever they will end up.
They have no intention of traveling out to where we live for any funeral. That's understandable. All his family are back there. So they want his remains sent back to them, but they want that done in the cheapest way possible.
Right now, I have a full-time job - and then some - looking after his daily needs. As you say, his care, right now, is the main priority. None of that falls on their shoulders. But they see some bills coming their way when he dies, so it's never too soon for them to start obsessing about that.
I appreciate posters above listening to me trying to sort out this sad situation. I appreciate that you are seeing that his family is adding to my stress.