Hi,
I'm sorry for the somewhat short introduction. I have recently found these forums and was hoping I could either get some feedback, or indeed support with what is happening in my life right now.

My wife has already declined getting some professional help which leaves this as my only option. For a while now (at least 6 months) my wife accuses me of abusing her emotionally every time we have an argument. I'm not sure if this actually the case though.

She is often controlling with the finances to the point that I have no access to one of our two joint accounts. I have been told she would prefer it if I didn't have access to either of them. She has also mentioned on more than one occasion that if I get my own account she will leave me. She checks my pay slips with the bank statement to ensure this is the case.

The current car is in my name as she "Thinks I will stick her with the payments", yet she also expects to have the first priority of use even above my need to go to work. If I deny her use of it I am accuse of trying to control her.

If I spend a lot of time with her I am too "needy", yet when I give her space I am ignoring her. If I buy her flowers I am asked what I did wrong, yet if I don't buy her anything I don't love her anymore.

I am not allowed to go out without her, and when I am left at home I am accused of cheating on her while she is away. I'm also accused of cheating on my 30 minute lunch break. She often looks through my things when I am at work as well to make sure I'm not cheating. Once she found one of our daughters hairs on my work fleece which also caused her to react very harshly towards me. She thought it could have been someone else's. I have always spoken very highly of her to both friends and family even boasting how Lucky I was to have her. I was told in the past this behaviour was due to the fact I met her while I was separated from my first wife yet not divorced so she was the "other woman".

I am often told to leave the house and not come back, but as I am a foreigner in this country I have no options but to stay, I have no friends or family which are able to help me over here. When I ask her to leave instead she laughs and says "not a chance". This is despite the fact we live literally 12 houses away from her mom and dad, and a 5 minute drive away from her sister. We still use the bed she grew up in so if we have a lesser argument it is "her bed" so I have to sleep on the couch.

When I do things like go out to the garage I make sure I have a set of house keys in case she locks me out. She hasn't, yet I feel that she will one day. I'm also not allowed to display any of my personal items around the house (Army photo's/awards), yet most of the house has her things in it. I always assumed this was just how it was, but no I'm not so sure.

I feel that she may be using this abuse as a way to set me up for something in the future. Any advise you can give would be great.

Thank you again.