Yes, hamster, they should ask him, rather than me. This is not an earnest search to discover their dad's wishes, IMHO. When the daughter brings these issues up to me, I think she is really trying to get my blessing on the cremation. She wants me to say that'll be just fine, and "I know your father will be fine with it too." I'm not going to say that to make her feel good. I have never, ever criticized her idea about cremation. Families have a right to their own values on these matters. And cremation is not always about saving money. I've known of very rich people who choose cremation.

So I didn't want to insult her choice of cremation by saying it would never, ever be my choice. I decided last night that the main thing that really matters to me is taking the body to church.

So this afternoon, I sent her an email explaining that I would pay for that here where we live. Then the body could be treated however they want . . . cremated and sent back East for whatever they have in mind. She called and seemed to appreciate the he suggestion. I told her I was in line to check out groceries and I had to pay the cashier. She hung up and then called back as I was driving. She persisted with how she just wants to know what he really wants. I told her I don't have any special knowledge of her father's mind. He tells me he doesn't worry about it and that he thinks they should just let the VA take care of him as an indigent.

She kept badgering me . . . saying she doesn't want to wait till the last minute to make plans. Well, I said, in cases like this, families do what they want and that different families have different values. Then she blew up at me, "What are you saying by that?" Then she started crying hysterically, saying "I came all the way out there and this is the thanks I get." Then she hung up on me, crying and crying.

I guess I will try to avoid ever having to talk to this daughter again. Now she sees herself as the martyr being persecuted by me. My mistake was letting myself even get drawn into a conversation with her.