Hi Living In Chaos, just grasping at straws here sorry but..........:
"unless my parents are ok with it, and I don't want to explain why I have to switch, because they all like this guy"
and
"as I've been told before (by my family, mostly), it would destroy my family if I ever spoke about what happened"
If your parents know and they don't want to you to say anything could you "just" tell them that he's insisting you talk about............in order to treat you and that's why you want to switch????
Unless your parents don't know...........???
And that seriously doesn't mean I'm going along with your family on this, I just feel that you shouldn't be pressured into telling someone you don't want to tell when they have no right or need to know.
And you know I'd say that your family have no right to tell you not to speak about what happened. No right at all!!
Why should you be left to deal with the effects of something that was done to you, something that should never have been done to you!! The very least you deserve is some real help and support with it. And I would have hoped that your family would have gone all out to support you/been behind you all the way, with any support that might help with this. Still in an ideal world, hey................!!!
But please don't feel pressured into not getting the help/support you need. You do deserve that.
I can completely understand if it might be really hard for you to open up about what happened anyway...........but what happened was real,and you don't owe your family to go through it without the support you deserve/should have.
And lastly (bear with me!!)........."already really screwed up" doesn't have to stay "really screwed up". I honestly know that abuse can leave it's marks/scars, and it isn't ever going to "go away" but things can improve with help.........might take time (might take a lot of time......a lot of help.........) but it is possible to find a much better way ahead. "Screwed up" doesn't have to be permanent.

Alison