Things like back rubs and touching the sides of your breasts and pulling off your clothes would probably be considered covert sexual abuse. Your confusion about it is totally understandable. I was covertly sexually abused for years by my mother, including when I was in my 20s and early 30s (before I went no-contact), and I didn't realize it till years later.

Please don't blame yourself for not saying no. We can't forget that abuse happens in context. Abusers create a context that makes their behavior seem all right. Also, all kids want their parents' acceptance, and we feel intuitively that if we fight them on anything, we'll be rejected.

Personally, I don't believe your father would have stopped if you'd have asked him to. (Just for reference, I would yell at my mother to stop many times, and she'd only laugh at me.) I suspect he would have pointed out that he wasn't doing anything wrong, just giving you a back rub or touched your genitals by mistake or whatever. It sounds like he was gradually building up to greater and greater violations, which shows determination to get what he wanted.

Like others, I strongly recommend you see a counselor. See if there are counseling services of some kind at your school. Since you're officially an adult, they'd keep everything confidential. Another option is to check the phone book or Internet for a family counseling center where you live. Maybe there's a teen counseling center that you can call and ask where you, as an adult, can get counseling. Again, they'll keep everything confidential.

Personally, I'm most worried about the fact that you still live at home. Molesters have a hard time stopping their behavior, particularly when it's covert (believe me, I know!). I don't want to cause you more anxiety than you're already experiencing, but I feel I need to at least suggest that you seriously consider finding somewhere else to live as soon as possible.

It doesn't matter how many nice things your father has done for you. His behavior is hurtful and wrong. He's a molester and molesters can't be trusted. It's not about what you do because the victim doesn't trigger sexual abuse. It entirely has to do with what's going on in his mind, which you can't predict or control. Please find a safer place to live as soon as possible. That's the only way to be certain that it doesn't happen again.