The first time I tried... I woke up covered in puke, shaking like crazy, sobbing, feeling awful... my first thought was oh my god my boyfriend is going to find out. He was upstairs sleeping. After that my worry is that I will try again and fail again here surrounded by my parents and I will have to deal with them making me feel bad for trying. I don't care about hurting myself, I care about hurting everyone else. I just wish I had succeeded the first time. Now I overthink it and worry too much about everyone else.