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Kiya · Nov 03, 2014, 01:24 AM

This really says it all - well put and non-judgemental and is right on target. You take the responsibility of safety even while saying "i have this issue". Communication here is key. Of course T has to do something - they are required to. Hopefully they do more than just cover their a s s and threaten, but show some care and concern about your wellbeing as well as their theraputic relationship with you. Think of all the time they put in to helping us - if we sui or threaten sui, are we not betrying them in some way? Perhaps showing them that they weren't good enough, didn't do enough, didn't care enough? They (if they are unhealthy, and many Ts are) could see it that way. Hopefully T will see you are in pain and trying to deal with it. But like Froggy said, safety lies with us, ultimately. We contract with T or make plans to go inpatient if we can't commit to safety (i used to think that was the worst thing possible, but I no longer think that, havng had to do that). T's can really get to care about us as well... it is devastating for a T who loses a client to sui.
I hope you can be safe and care for you and find communication between the two of you so that you no longer feel there is a rift here. I guess this is also testimony to myself in my recovery process (when I thought I wasn't making any). I remember the first time this very thing came up between a T and myself and how panicked I was of what she would do. Shows that there is growth. You will move past this.
Granted, I haven't read the rest of the posts, so I don't know how things are for you at the moment....
Be well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Froggy57

When you accidentally communicate intent, you communicate that you are in great pain and need help. If self-harm or suicidality are among your symptoms, I personally think it is best to have a specific agreement with your therapist, stating if this happens, the consequences will be this, so there will be no hurtful surprises. You need to take responsibility for yourself and not give it away to someone else. By consequences, I don't mean punishment, but an agreement that safety comes first. It really is best for both of you because if you are feeling betrayed by him, then he is probably also stressed being forced to make a decision regarding your safety that is going to make you feel betrayed when safety, not betrayal is his intent.

When you agree to a plan, than you shift from randomly bringing trauma into your life by forcing others to respond to you, even accidently, to making a decision for yourself for what will happen next. The responsibility for your life returns to you where it belongs. I hope this doesn't sound judgmental because I have had to learn the same lesson.

When we have a hard time letting go of a behavior it is because it is doing something for us. You probably know what the harm is doing for you, and suicidality serves to make us feel in final control when we cannot get our life or emotions in control, but what does accidentally communicating intent do for you? If you could be completely honest with yourself, what is it that you want or need from him? Understanding this may be your first step in moving beyond this.