Thank you for your replies.* I don’t have access to one of our two accounts as my wife has the debit card for it, and I don’t have the account number.* I’m not sure if going into the bank would allow me to use it, or if they issue another card, would it be seen as going behind her back, or would it look like I was hiding it if I kept it?

*I do have access to the other account, though it is highly interrogated every month.* If there is an entry for anything unusual such as a £9 for an odd store we have to find the receipt to prove it is correct.* After hours of stress it’s always proven that the spend was correct, though I’m left in such a state of stress afterwards.* It gets so bad, even getting her a present for her Birthday or Christmas is difficult, because I am unable to hide it without her knowing since she looks through my things, or she sees me buy it first.*

I’m not sure how she would react if she did find out I was seeking help, or a card for the account.* Normally she is the type that slams doors, or breaks things in anger only to then get mad if/when the things need fixed or replaced.* She then uses what I would call emotional blackmail by starting to cry when she realises that her current methods of yelling aren’t working. She often asks me questions with no right answers, and when I mention something it is twisted around to suit her needs at the time. *

*I’m a US citizen, with indefinite leave to remain in the UK.* Been working over here for the last 13 or so years.* I have tried to make friends over here, but every time I try to go out after work or the weekends the interrogation afterwards doesn’t make it worth the effort.* It gets to the point where I am no longer asked to do anything social with anyone.* If I discuss someone at work such as a guy called Charlie, I am always asked if it’s short for Charlene, or Mark is short for Marsha, etc.. My wife mentions that I am having an affair almost daily, yet my day is usually drive the wife to work, drop off the kids for school, go to work, leave work, pick up kids, and then pick up my wife.* I don’t go out at night, nor am I allowed things like Twitter, or facebook.* I’m not sure how someone could cheat like this, or why she continues to accuse me of it. ***

We have been discussing moving back to the US, but it would be under the terms that she no longer has to work and we get an unreasonably expensive house.* Again when there have been delays due to needing to go to the embassy or such I am told I am emotional abusive in delaying the move.* Unfortunately we don’t have the money or the time to do it all at once.* She also uses this in a lot of the arguments, such as if she divorces me I won’t be allowed to see my daughter and will be sent back to the US, or that she will call my mom to buy a one way plane ticket for just me.*

Even yesterday we had more issues before she went to bed.* I was told to apologise for how I spoke to her, which I don’t feel I did any wrong and it was me that was hurt.* She then proceeded to get mad at my daughter and chase her into the other room.* The argument she had with my daughter was loud, and it was mentioned the argument was my fault (Daddy’s fault).* Hearing my wife blame me for an argument with our daughter was very painful, and I can’t help but feel my daughter will hold it against me in the future.* I’m told I need to be seen as agreeing with her decisions in front of our kids, though I feel these are normally incorrect and done out of malice.* How can I agree with her when she is physically chasing my daughter to her room?*

This morning, she told me I best not be gone to work for very long as you never know when locks will be changed.* She then stood in front of me waiting for me to apologise, or admit I was wrong.* When I didn’t she started to cry and say I was again emotionally abusing her.*

One thing I don’t think I mentioned was the fact I have undiagnosed OCD.* I did try to go to counselling, but I had to take holidays to do it which soon became too much for me.* Not sure where down the line they would actually have diagnosed me with a condition.* Both my mom and my sister have it, and I show a lot of OCD traits.* Once my current issues are sorted I may see if I can delve a bit further into the issue.* My wife shows no compassion for my issue and often uses this against me in an argument.