So . . . I have a little bit of a dilemma. I have two older brothers, one of which is narcissistic and causes quite a bit of family drama. I think I've semi got a handle on dealing with him and my emotions surrounding him but he does play a part in any suggestions regarding my father.

My father is a highly conservative (and I mean, take your worst stereo-types of the tea party (true or not) and that's my father), racist, conspiracy theorist who has nothing but distrust for his government and people in general. He's a compulsive liar and has no problem insulting his children or grandchildren, (for example, "you need to stop eating, you're too fat).

But here's the problem . . . he's also quite, ummmm, unintelligent, to put it nicely. I don't say that to be mean or put him down, it's just the truth. He has a hard time even grasping the simplest of concepts and I, being moderate to slightly left leaning with two BA degrees, two published books, and working on my MSc, don't even like to go and see him (my parents have been divorced for a while) because not only can I not stand his opinions of the world around him (i.e. racism, etc.) but there is absolutely nothing I can talk to him about. And when he brings things up, I have to repeat them over and over again because he doesn't get it the first time. I try and be patient but I always just end up feeling sorry for him. I always end up frustrated because he wants to know what's going on in my life but he doesn't understand what I tell him no matter how simple I try and put it.

So recently, he went to visit my brother (the narcissistic one) simply because my mom and step-dad had gone up. Now, they are having a really rough time with things, not only because of the way my brother is but financially as well. So my dad goes up, and he puts $20 towards pizza (even though my brother told him he had no money to pay the rest...and as much as my dad likes to tell us otherwise he does just fine financially and could have paid the whole meal), then he insults my 10 yr old nephew by telling him he's too fat and he should stop eating (now he's chubby for his age but he's nowhere near fat, to his credit though, my nephew did tell him off for that, lol....also, this is something my dad has told me a lot in my life as well....oh, and he's also obese), THEN for breakfast the next morning he tells them no he doesn't want to go to the store to buy food for everyone but instead wants to take my brother and his daughter (ONLY) out to breakfast.....WHO DOES THAT!? My brother and his family were very hurt and asked my dad to leave after just being there for one day.

Now, like I said before, I try not to see my dad all that much because I know he's just a really toxic person to be around (as is his whole family). But he is my dad, and I love him, and.....I always feel sorry for him. That's my dilemma.

I know I should be like the rest of my family (should I?) and just have nothing to do with him. My oldest brother still sticks around him because he's just like my father in a lot of ways. But my other brother (the narcissistic one) has long since wanted nothing to do with him. My dad was very hard on him growing up (although not as much as my brother would have people think)...he was always very physical with my brothers under the guise of, "oh we're just playing" or "it's making them tougher". I was always slightly uncomfortable around him. He never did anything to me but for some reason I was still always uncomfortable. He had one accusation in the past, back when he first married my mom and my oldest brother was a baby that he sexually abused a cousin of his but there was never any proof. He's always made my brother feel uneasy when he's around my niece as well.

All that being said, sorry I know it was a lot!, I always end up feeling bad for him. Because, to be completely honest, I truly TRULY believe that he's not smart enough to know that anything he does is wrong. He just messaged me about the trip to my brother's house and his response was, "I went up to your brother's this weekend. I don't think it went well. I only stayed one day because of the weather but that wasn't my intention." He's not completely lying about the weather, they did have snow coming and a storm warning but he was asked to leave (from what I was told). And they he said something about how he couldn't believe how my brother acts nowadays (I guess meaning how much of a douche he can be....hello, narcissism!)

Anyway, I'm tired of feeling so sorry for him. And I'm tired of hurting for him. It would be so much easier if I knew that he was intelligent enough to know what he was doing and did it anyway, then I could be really angry, and I could talk myself into getting him out of my life for good. But instead, I know he's not....I know he has NO IDEA that he hurts us and what he does is wrong....and he's always so baffled when things don't go right or like in the situation with my brother people end up hurt, cause he just has NO IDEA. I've tried explaining things in the past but it just doesn't work. So, instead of being angry, I always just feel so bad for him. And I think about him, and how old he's getting, and the health problems he has and how incredibly lonely he is and I can't ever bring myself to feel anything but sad for him. And I don't know how to deal with that.

Any suggestions!?