Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
Semeon,
I am not sure that you can learn much about this particular experience, specifically due to its highly peculiar nature. What are the chances you will have another relationship like this? They are pretty slim. I think the only one lesson you can effectively draw out of this experience is the one sophiesmom has suggested - STOP BLAMING YOURSELF.
There is this expression that it takes TWO to tango. You could not have possibly been responsible for blowing this all by yourself. Nobody is THAT powerful. There is a dynamic between people - you cannot control everything what happens within a couple.
There is an additional danger in blaming yourself (in addition to the low self-esteem) - you are in essence overestimating your abilities and power. It is the flip side of low self-esteem in a way. I hope this makes sense, and, please, do something relaxing and nice for yourself and just go with the flow and enjoy the moment - do not spend all your waking hours analyzing what happened over and over again.
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hamster-bamster,
My main problem over the past six months, has been an over analysis of how, and why, the break up happened. The break up style used; "a sudden no contact policy", has been a rare experience for me, so I wanted to learn as much as I could from it. You are right though, the opposite of "low self esteem" is the "overestimation of one's abilities and power". I sensed, and believed, that I had little, to no, power. She had most, if not all, of the power within the relationship. She had this power, from the date and time she began our friendship/peculiar relationship in May, 2006, to the current time, when she decided to end it in May, 2014. I want to thank you for your opinion. I will take your suggestions of moving on and enjoying the moment. I have not had many relationships in the past. This was for me, a learning experience from its beginning to its end.
Sincerely,
semeon