Stalwart, would it be fair to say that you are in England just because of your daughter(s)? That if not for the daughter(s), you'd long be stateside? I hope the links from Citizens Advice would help you get started on clearing this horrible mess.

You asked about getting another card from the bank. Most likely, the branch would not give you a card - the card will be issued elsewhere and sent to you from the bank's central of specially designated card issuing office to the address of record. If the address of record is your home address, then the question is who opens the mail. Given what you have described so far, the answer is pretty clear - she does. So, you cannot get a card without her knowing about it. And any transaction would be visible anyway.

So you basically need local legal advice, and need it rather badly. Your wife is threatening you and blackmailing you - what are you waiting for? This situation will never improve but very well might escalate. Keep your passport in the office.

You said that you are on an indefinite leave in the UK. Does it mean that you can continue working legally if you stop being her husband?

If you could move everybody to the US where you have relatives, where she cannot threaten you with sending you away, and where you will have some network of social support, maybe this relationship may become more normal, but while she is on her turf, it will only became worse and worse.

For right now, to alleviate the stress you are subjected to when you have to account for your expenditures, take a snapshot of each receipt using your phone immediately upon buying something. Store the receipts in one folder and they will be available when you need them. It is horrible and humiliating that you have to account for small expenses, but right now while you are looking for advice on how to get out, placating her may not be such a bad idea/