My firstborn son had to take my youngest son to the hospital last night. They gave him valium to calm his shaking down.Hes been drinking so much bingeing that hes like an old man alcoholic.Self medicating himself. The saddest part I cant understand is that he was the happiest baby in the universe. He lives his life like hes in the greatest emotional pain. But what is it???? I am absolutely at a loss for understanding. Until recently he would say Im not sad yeah Im the happiest Ive ever been in my life . How about you are you happy? he asked. But last night he admitted to the docs that he knew he was depressed. I used to always urge my kids to tell me anything. It turns out they told me nothing. My daughter seems to think her young brother has a baby.... well if he has he can tell me..... Ill embrace a baby in this family. Last year he said to me that hed done something so evil that theres no way he could tell me about it. but when I asked him at a time he was more lucid....he laughed and said what??? I think your making that up!!' anyway this is just a few thoughts before I go and tell him hes a beautiful boy itll take 14 hours on a train till I can do that. I dont mind. Hes worth it. + I can offer support to my firstborn.Hes the huggiest person in the universe. luv u bib.