Sorry to hear you are struggling with the situation.
Well I am not sure if I can give advice, but one thing I notice is you only mention him and you. There seems to be chains keeping you together so if one pulls back the other one tries to patch things up.
What about having a support group. Someone else like a group or therapist could help you get things to a manageable state plus you wouldn't try to make him your therapist. If you are not on medicine, then a psychiatrist could try to help you manage with your anxiety.
As long as you do not feel your life is threatened, it may be a troubling relationship is better than no people.
Seems like the relationship is not the key to getting better as much as dealing with the anxiety so that you can stabilize your life to work and play the way you really want to deep inside.