I feel like ****. I want to self-harm very badly; and I have not had a self-harm urge in years. I want to get drunk or high to bury my depression. I am trying to abstain from either because of health problems. And because I've missed so much work already from being hungover. Although right now I'm not sure that I care whether I miss work tomorrow, I just want to get ****ed up. Yesterday I was fine, today I'm losing control.