((Rose)),

I understand how this conversation seems so inappropriate to you. However, this daughter has actually shown you respect in "including" you in this process and letting you know what the family will do, and that she will pretty much be paying for whatever is done as her siblings are not showing her they want to be involved all the much.

No, you were/are not his wife, but you certainly did a lot for him in his life, IMHO, she is showing you respect for that. And she did thank you for how much you have helped him when it comes to his care too.

It is important to understand that she is actually showing you respect by discussing this matter with you.