My situation is similar. Two years ago I lost two very good jobs in a row due to depression. I have had depression my whole life but this one was very bad and I was seriously suicidal. I qualified for unemployment but it didn't cover my bills. I am 50 and have lived 2500 miles from my family on my own since I was 19. In this situation I felt forced to reach out to them. They talked me into coming home and I did. The course of my treatment didn't really change as I have been in treatment forever. Being close to my family and having their support has been a god send. I don't know if I will ever go back to CA even though my 21 year old daughter lives there and I am still a member of my plumbing union and could still work there. I wasn't in a relationship and am not in one now so it's not the same but I feel staying where I am might be what is in my best interest mental health wise. I don't know what the future holds and it is very uncertain in my mind. It's scary. Depression is very debilitating and exhausting. I could not possibly handle a relationship right now even though like anyone I would like to be in one. It's a selfish disease because it consumes you. When I have a long period of doing good and want to date it comes back and dashes my hopes.

If you have been supportive and there for him I do not know my he would not want you to visit.

Here's my guess. The idea of maintaining a good relationship is overwhelming to him because it takes work and effort and energy. He is very confused about his future like I am. He may feel it is best for him to stay right where he is indefinitely.

If it wasn't for my family I would probably be dead or homeless. If I had been living with a girl for two years and it was a good relationship and things would have been ok financially I would have stayed. In my mind though it would be very unfair to that girl to have to deal with all my problems. I have lost relationships because of my depression and it hurt but I don't blame them. Often we don't feel worthy of relationships because of the burden we know it will cause that other person.

I hate to say this but if he doesn't want you to come visit then something is going on in his thinking that he isn't being totally honest about because I can't see how letting you visit would hurt a thing when it comes to his treatment. It would only help.

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