This is a ACOA, while perhaps this is an unhealthy exchange, it can be a result of the family dysfunction issues. You know for yourself this man is not easy to live with and spend time with.

It's hard for me to nail it without actually meeting this woman. It seems like she uses alcohol to avoid her feelings too. While you on the other hand are a responsible and knowledgable individual. That you showed in that meeting you had with her and your s/o too.

Just because someone makes good money, doesn't actually mean they outgrew their family dysfunction and the ACOA within.