Have you ever tried meditation? It's a good way to observe your feelings or lack thereof and to realize that whatever it is you're going through, it's part of being alive. It may also lessen your thoughts of feeling scattered since it reduces the amount of "chatter" going on in your head.

As for your recent weight gain, it sounds like it's not where you want to be. I read somewhere that the only thing in common with all the diets that work is that you write down everything you eat. There are several apps and websites that help you do that including showing your calorie intake.

As for therapy, I think you should look after yourself first and consult a professional. In the same way on a flight you should put an oxygen mask on first before putting one on your children in order to save both of you.

Good luck to you, I wish you well [emoji4]