In the simplest form of all this madness, I wish someone was here to tell me they love me.

I get so mad, because I don't feel people love me. I'm so scared, and miserable. It's like looking from the outside in from a mirror they see what they only observe no matter what I say and from me vise versa. The is no room for actual growth, if I make a change they back off, if they make a move and change I back off.

My boundaries of people saying they love me and don't. I may have bpd, I don't know.

I just want someone to love me and show me they do. I don't mean like in romance, I want someone to really be involved in my life as someone as a best friend I've never had before. Something that isn't fake, more realistic, much more realistic, but currently is unattainable and has been all my life.

I don't know am I doing this right? Do I have to love myself am I doing it right? I don't know, is people being so harsh on me and expecting too much causing me to hate myself in my subconscious that it's going to be impossible for someone to love me when everyone is an asshole to me.