I wish my family and friends, believed me and stopped being so damn hard and mean to me. Because I was a raped as a guy by another male doesn't make it less serious if it was a girl.... or someone else with a similar disadvantage from their attacker.

It's hurt me what I can't believe what people are rationalizing has really hurt and blown my mind so badly. I really don't care what happens to everyone. I'm sorry and not sorry for feeling like this, but what am I supposed to feel. Grateful and happy everyone is kicking my *** to get my life together on their rational, they don't even talk to me. They don't see my progress they only see the mistakes in my life. Never my triumphs. My mother is insecure and won't see it. I'm blinded, by this mindset because I want someone to give me something I've never had.

I don't know, I'm just trying so hard to feel loved. It's so hard. I'm so desperate to feel what I need I'm never getting it from anyone. I only do it to myself as an antidote for the temporary and long term pain, but that's where someone else comes in and helps me boost my self esteem with my own efforts combined. I seriously need that someone here physically here with me. Not online or texting or in imagination. I want someone to hold on to a feeling I know I can touch and acknowledge they are here and they are not leaving me forever.

That's all I want.