YES, MIKKI IS MY REAL NICK NAME OF MY REAL LAST NAME MIKAELA.

I'm just a mix of moods right now. I've been getting irritated and a bit grouchy lately, raising my voice at my dad and having an overactive fantasies (daydreams) that all of the sudden cause me to be angry.

Rrrrrrgh!!! A lot of things piss me off now.

My dad's effects of being an alcoholic (having disorganized and weird behavior that I have a hard time coping with), not to mention his "stuck-up business man" personality since he work's for mattress firm.

My cat trying to climb up my pants and get to my food. I have to yank him off or push him out of the way. I've been doing it too hard to him and I don't mean to be hurtful . He's been less happy now because of it.

I'm irritated thinking about how I live in capitalist country where everything is run by the economy. You're pretty much selling yourself to slavery on everything. I feel like everyone is materialistic, gaudy and stuck up. I still can't get over how we have to buy our way and pay big bucks just to keep ourselves alive and healthy with insurance (I might as well ****ing kill myself just to get out of this world, because it's not worth living if everything so damn expensive). Why can't we be socialist like the European countries? They provide care to everyone in need.

I can't get over why the media encourages "perfection" when it comes to physical appearance. I have to keep applying makeup on just for people to be nice and notice me. Without it, no one wants to speak or pay attention to me, and they treat me like **** (making fun of me, insulting me, spreading rumors on everything I do.). It's because I "have to" look good. I'm supposed to be that way.

I get angry and jealous when I see an attractive guy with a curvaceous woman in glamor photos (it's porn habit. I kind of have a thing for playgirl). I'm even jealous when it comes to daydreaming of Michael (you know who I'm talking about) falling in love with another girl. I just have this unhealthy obsession with him, I know he's not real, but in a way it still feels like he is and that he's out there somewhere already made up with someone else and that I was never known about. I know what I've been through was all but delusions and fantasies. I never had any special psychic abilities. I've never even met them in person. They were just imagined to fill in the empty places of friends that I didn't have back then. They were there to comfort me and help me escape the harshness of reality that I had to face everyday. Xians will tell me that I need help, and the atheists would joke and jeer about my story of what I experience. There is no "god". There is no "Michael". There are no "angels/mal'ahks", and if they were, they aren't meant to be friendly beings. They will not give you hugs and kisses, or whisper sweet-nothings of comfort in your ear. Those subhuman creatures will hunt you down with a weapon in either one of their hands; a sword? maybe back during the ancient days, yes. a gun? modern times, definitely yes. They will end your life senselessly without remorse to their creator's bidding.

And the men. Why men??? Jerks! JERKS! JERKS!!!

I can't see love anymore, it just doesn't exist to me. It's all about sex. All I see is sex. I feel like I am the ***** of Babylon.