[QUOTE=hamster-bamster;4084248]
That what she likes sexually is related to the rape might be a form of imprinting. If a baby duck sees a man and not his mother duck at birth, the baby would follow the man and not this mother duck because of imprinting. I guess you can explore root causes with her, or maybe if you have money for it, you can get the advice of a sex therapist, and yes, in light of the preference for choking, maybe professional advice would be a good idea. Other than that, I do not see what makes you so surprised. That she did not tell anyone? If you were raped by your cousin and you told other cousins about it and nobody believed you, you probably would get discouraged and not tell anyone. When you wonder why she did not tell ANYONE, what are the options for that SOMEONE in your mind? That she did not involve the police is because the perpetrator was a member of her extended family. Also, there might not have been proof as the rape was not brutal. Parents? Girlfriends? What would have been the point in telling them? She told you because she believes that this knowledge is relevant to your relationship. Alternatively, she made up the story because she feared that otherwise you would judge her past behavior negatively.

The troubling part here, in my mind, is not that she likes doggy style sex, but that you see yourself as her helper (a rescue fantasy). If you want her to be your girlfriend, tell her that, but do not try to help her. Not only is not clear where she needs help, but also should she need help, professional or peer support help would be more appropriate than your assuming the white knight role here.
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Thank you Hamster for your reply. I was up all night trying to make sense of my emotions. Just to clarify though, she was not raped by any of her cousins but rather A FRIEND of her cousins. These cousins are from her fathers side and I've received hints that some of that family believe in machismo. I don't know if this played a role in her decision to keep quiet about it, but like you said I don't know why I was surprised about her decision. I just felt angry that the person who did that to her was never punished.

I don't want to be a White Knight. I was just simply confused and didn't know exactly how to ask for help. Keep in mind I've never had to deal with anything like this and I just wanted to know the best way to help someone I really care about. This is why I sought guidance. My concern for the paraphilia was mostly fed by some extreme cases I've read about a while back. It never occurred to me that what she likes sexually is pretty normal among women. From what we've talked about it, she's not into anything extreme. Also, given the lack of details it's difficult to determine whether or not this has anything to do with that particular event at all.

Moving along, last night when she told me this I was in shock and I didn't know what to say to her and I sure as hell didn't want to risk saying the wrong things. So I went to go talk to her today.

I told her that what I felt for her was real and unconditional. I reiterated to her that nothing that happened that night was her fault and that she should never think that anything she might have said or done that night gave that monster the right to hurt her. I told her that it meant a lot that she confided in me. Also, told her that if she ever needed someone I would be there for her. I don't know if what I said was the right thing to say but she appeared to be relieved by what I told her and she thanked me for taking my time to go and tell her that.

Somehow this lifted the cloud of smoke around me. I can see clearly. Almost like nothing ever happened. I just want to love her and make her happy. She's definitely a strong woman to be able to deal with something like that by herself. I trust that she will seek guidance when she feels the need to. But for now our relationship resumes as normal. I plan on asking her to be my girlfriend in a couple of days. I am working on something special to do so I am really excited for the days to come.

Thank you again Hamster. Your post helped me clarify this situation further. You also made me see myself from a different perspective. Being a White Knight is something I don't want to be. So I will try my best to avoid heading in that direction. If she ever decides to tell me more I will need help in making sense of it all. Thank you! I can't say it enough.