Hello hvert, thanks for helping.
So, asking my dad, I kind of do get a feel for how he handles things. I asked him last week when he came to my town to get things, how he is handling the stress. They were getting a visit from my sister so my mom gets very stressed about things. He laughed it off, and said mom is very hard to handle but he'll take it one day at a time. He said it runs in streaks, she'll have a few days where she seems like herself, and then she is looking for things and can't remember where they are, or forgets her son isn't married anymore. He can be insensitive about it.

Alzheimer's, I don't know if it was diagnosed properly or they are just basing it on symptoms. But she is not the same person. I was in an abusive relationship, got out of it a few years ago..... tried to fix it, long story, but up until a few months ago she knew and remembered all of it. She now is calling my ex and wishing him happy birthdays and calling on our son's birthday to him and acting like my ex is a good human being. That is NOT her. She knew, and knew better than me that I should get as far away from him as possible.

I guess I'll google something and keep trying to figure it out. I don't know what DHS is. I don't want her alone with him if he is hurting her.

I've offered to go along for doctor visits, but because my dad doesn't want me to, that isn't an option. What bothers me is my sister lives 1000 miles away and has power of attorney I think but what can she do, and she kind of made it clear she is in a very resentful state with my mom and doesn't like her. She and I got in an argument over the phone a while ago, and was saying "mom is aggressive, and she's going to end up in the nursing home someday and probably beat the sh t out of someone there" It is like she doesn't care and I could see it this past weekend, she said "mom is so irritating, I try to talk to dad and she gets mad, etc." She also tells my mom to shut up when she is talking. I feel like no one is going to stand up for my mom.

Why this is bothering me now so much, is because of my sister's visit. She is the one that got my mom to go to a psychiatrist years ago, and they immediately took her drivers license away. My mom seemed to be so isolated, and relies on my dad to get out. She pretends she doesn't want to go out. I don't know, my mind is racing lately so I should just stop... sorry if anyone bothers to read all this. Just don't know. I'm going to lose them both sometime in the near future maybe and I want their last years to be better.