Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me
That statement is a classic and I've certainly felt that way, before when married, and a little carryover into the beginning of my divorcee years.
The post is raw, honest and though unenviable, relateable.
Reminded me, of some of the statements my grams friends have said. Tolerable conpanionship, rife with sacrifice. They live out widow years, grateful for independence, yet wistful they'd had it, to begin with. Unashamed and unabashed.
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Old folks know the real deal. I love to listen to their wisdom.
Thank you for your reply H4M. At least I know someone can relate and I'm not totally lost in the cosmos. I really felt that after I posted this, I was too brutally honest and someone was going to take this the wrong way. I'm sure some probably still will do so. I feel so weak right now, but at the same time, I've been on this "warrior woman" thing to help me cope. I climb these steep hills around my town and I get this rush of joy and adrenaline from making it, especially when I almost slip and fall but manage to get up there...legs shaking and hands bloody from grasping rocks and razor grass to help me up. I guess for now, those climbs are my medicine and they are helping me keep my self-esteem in tact. I don't know how'd I'd feel if I didn't have this to do. I feel on some level that I must be the 'strong' one in the home and I guess my mindset followed. I've become obsessed with learning martial arts and I also teach myself tai chi and kendo from CD's that instruct me in the movements. Lame, possibly. I can accept that. I just don't want to give up yet. Transform, maybe. But not give up.
Thanks again.