I've experienced similar feelings. Because the depressed feelings were so familiar, I would miss having them at times when I was feeling better. Because I was depressed such a long time, I didn't know who I was without it. It's a strange phenomenon, and very hard to explain to others who don't suffer from depression. But just know you're definitely not the only one who feels this way! It's hard to let go of that place you've been for so long.