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mouse_ said:
Its a lot to tak in, to understand, that as a child I had to deal wiht such big issues alone! How the hell did I do this? I never had the adult part of me that i have now? maybe I'm angry at myself too?

But I did the best I could with what I had. I'm angry my mothers dumped their %#@&#! on me, I'm angry I had that happen. It doesn't matter how many firends and help I have now, it wasn't happening then! I needed someone, that someone wasn't there! Mums abandoned me how dare they do that!!"

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But then, isn't now, either. You still had "you" whether adult or child and that was enough because here you are now, albeit battered and bruised, but you are here.

The literal hard stuff has passed, it's just the "coursework" of therapy and the mental and emotional understanding you have to work through now. The sparklies are "easy" to live through after what you went through before. I think you're doing great.