Hi, everyone.

I was diagnosed in 2007 as having PDD-NOS after many years of getting bullied online and I lost a job in 2006 for assaulting a girl in a shop where I was an employee alongside of her.

A company called Autism Initiatives has provided me an outreach service since 2008. Because I get lonely, I often use escorts and I am very fond of certain support personnel. My anxiety issues mean I struggle to gain personal associates. They monitor me closely, though. They think I have unhealthy attachments to certain people and I often give myself away by revealing that I like them, even if I am only saying nice things about their personalities. It all gets logged.

I spent years looking for a woman who had been my only girlfriend, besides another girl I knew briefly in 2008. I first met this person as a teenager in 2005 and back then, it was not really a relationship but more of a joke. Looking for her whereabouts proved tough. But when I eventually conversed with her on Facebook again in 2012 and she met up with me, she soon used me for my money and well, you should be able to get a picture in your mind of what financial abuse I went through. There was more than enough of it, too. I have sporadically seen her off and on since, but just as a pal.

This past year however, I have gone through hell because I lost two females from my support team, one of whom was my key worker - a lovely Spanish lady.

The reason they took the first woman away from me was because I got a bit infatuated with her when she supported me once in front of my abusive ex-girlfriend and then I got crazy, desperate thoughts and sent her a text message asking her on a date, which probably made her feel discomfort. I am well aware that support workers are professionals and we must all respect the boundaries, but I definitely think she is way more of a woman than my former partner is. Plus, like myself and I know this, but she loves cats.

Well, they did give me one shift with her again in the summer of 2013 and that was it. I was fed up with these alleged excuses about where she was after that, because I actually believe a former senior had been lying on purpose and I was promised more shifts. So I got silly once and talked about her on Facebook, but she reported me. That was that. It was my fault for being impulsive instead of waiting, but yes - I do reckon I was being lied to and it just got inside my head.

However, with the Spanish lady, I confessed I had feelings for her last year which were not appropriate and she was told this because I let others know. Then she just was not the same after it was leaked out in the end that she was aware of the feelings I had for once, after I sent her a cute text message. She was acting more firm around me afterwards-almost very mean-and eventually, her seniors took her off as my key worker in February. To preserve my feelings however, they were dishonest and gave me a spin about how she was just busy. Blah. Blah. Blah. Recently, they confessed that the matter was not handled too well and that lying to me was not right (sort of).

Because I did not want to lose either of these ladies, I wound up getting charged and I was presented with an undertaking in July following an incident I carried out when my former key worker had upset me. However, I wound up getting arrested two more times in July for sending the ladies vulgar messages on Facebook which were of a sexual nature. It bugged me that I only got to say sorry one time in front of the boss, but I was disallowed to have any further support shifts with them.

I also told one of the ladies I obtained her address details online and when I was arrested on 17 July, two police officers saw me near where she lives and assumed I had been trying to stalk her.

Because I was due in court on 12 August, I ended up remanded in custody after I was harassing my former key worker during the last week of July. For the first time ever, I was held in prison. I was released after a fortnight and soon wound up arrested again, this time just for apologizing to the women on Facebook. I had run off, but with nowhere to go, I would get exhausted eventually and have to easily be arrested. Then I was bailed, but I apologized to them again a few weeks later. This resulted in me being jailed again until a hearing in September took place. My money was stopped too, so I had to reclaim the benefits. It has been a real carry on.

I have a deferred sentencing date of 19 December. I do not know when I can go back to my flat and the police took my laptop to inspect it. It is meant to be quite soon, I believe, that I can reside at my flat again. It is a flat I rent, with support workers using flat 1 as an office and I lived in flat 2 until 28 July. The court had me living with my family and I was banned from staying there for ages. If any mail went there, someone had to collect it on my behalf.

I really miss these ladies, so I feel agitated a lot. Why did this have to happen to me after all the grief I went through over the past dozen years? Even after all this junk unfolded, the agency will never, ever choose to reinstate them. The court also put non harassment orders in place. That is painfully harsh.

God.