Hi Sara
This is my first post on here but your post really resonated with me. I am a 29 year old guy and I feel I am similar to you in so many ways. All of my life I have just been really, really quiet - like, ridiculously quiet. I used to be fine that way, but as I've grown into adulthood it has become a major problem for me. It is like I was just made not to talk, it feels completely natural to me to not say anything (even when I am with someone), but it causes me so much anxiety because it is just the total opposite of what most people expect you to be like. They expect you to be social and talkative, interesting and engaging, but I am just not like that at all! I really don't know what to do because it is such a fundamental part of who I am and yet I constantly worry and panic because it is like "How the hell am I supposed to have a relationship with somebody if I never talk?!" It is a crazy problem and I just don't know what to do. I can ask people how they are and I guess make VERY rudimentary chit-chat, but that is as far as it goes with virtually everyone! It is just not possible for me to just "hang out" and "chit-chat", even though there is nothing in the world I would like more than that. It does literally seem like there is something "missing" in my brain that prevents me from talking to people, so I am forced into my own company all the time because it is just not possible for people to hang out with me or me with them! It is really quite a major problem as I do want to get married one day and I don't know how I will go about that if I am unable to talk to my girlfriend/wife on any meaningful level (!), yet this problem remains with me and from what I can tell will stay with me forever!