I've tried that, but I always end up with some idea of why things are the way they are - and then the next day, I have a new one, and the old one seems stupid. It's too much, I get confused. If there was some easier way to do it, I'd try that. (I kind of knew there wasn't, but I had to ask).

I'm very tired of hiding it, yes, but I can't let it show (more than it already does) and I don't know how to fix it (alone).