Another lousy day at work. I did a rotten job of riding it out, got triggered, lost my composure. Faking it, is most definitely not doing the trick.

Nearly gave in to si, but backed down because I thought "What's the point?" Therein lies the problem, there just isn't any point at all.

I'm stuck in an endless spiral where I have to work but then I'm under pressure to perform, if I don't perform I'm deemed incapable and threatened with a competency hearing, but if I have time off sick I'm threatened with a disciplinary hearing. Either way the outcome is dismissal and in the end they'll sack me one way or the other. Do I have a choice about suffering from depression, do I actually want to be ill, of course not, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, so why am I being treated so harshly for an illness that I didn't choose?